Thursday, January 5, 2012

The 2012 Miami Marlins: My New Favorite Reality TV Show

When I first heard the news yesterday that the Miami Marlins had acquired Carlos Zambrano via a trade, I thought they had lost their collective mind.  Over the past number of seasons, his craziness has proven to be a cancer for the Chicago Cubs, and oh, by the way, he doesn't really pitch well anymore either.

But then it hit me, and I saw the brilliance of what the Marlins are doing.    Somebody in the front office has realized that even more than winning, the one thing that attracts viewers is a crazy train-wreck of explosive personalities.  All you have to do is look at the more popular reality shows (The Bachelor/Bachelorette, Jersey Shore, Hell's Kitchen, etc.) to see that this is the case.  As human beings, we are attracted to dysfunction.  And the Marlins get this.

So you see, they really aren't trying to win, per se.  What they are more interested in is ratings.  For this reason, they have put together one of the most potentially combustible situations in baseball history with a high-strung, emotional manager in Ozzie Guillen, two prideful high-priced superstars who both play the same position, a left fielder (@LoMoMarlins) who will be on hand to tweet it all to the watching world, and now, Carlos Zambrano, one of the most mentally unstable pitchers of all time.  Brilliant.

So what are the next moves for the Marlins?  Perhaps adding another expensive diva who also happens to play shortstop?  Sign Milton Bradly and/or Manny Ramirez to come off the bench?  Trade for Nyjer Morgan to play centerfield?  Hire Jose Canseco as a "strength and conditioning coach?"  He certainly already has the reality show street cred.  

Should be a lot of fun, and I can't wait to watch!  Which is exactly what the Marlins want to hear. 


  1. We're running a pool on who is the Marlin who decides to kill Logan Morrion....

    Your choices: Ozzie Guillen, Hanley Ramirez or Carlos Zambrano. If you pitch in double the money you can select a "team effort" involving any combination of them.

  2. I'm actually betting on Heath Bell to lose it in a "Mad Real World" kinda way.